Together we are stronger than alone- but only when we feel safe
Being in a relationship is a never ending journey of personal-development, you always learn something new about yourself and your partner. Relationships can be complicated, but they get easier if we gain insights and develop some interpersonal skills. These skills will make not only our romantic relationship better, but they also improve our social skills outside of the relationship.
The Gottman Method
I find the Gottman Method the most transformational method when it comes to couples therapy. It is also very easy to apply, because of its practicality and reliability. I am using this method for several years now in my personal life and for my clients and I am very confident that it works, not only because it is backed up with scientific research, but also because of my own experience.
The Gottman method is naturally increasing the sense of trust, security, and connection between partners, and it trains couples how to deal with conflicts in an effective manner. It takes conversations (especially conflicts) to a level, where the partners feel empathy, and feel understood. When we go beyond the surface and let go the urge to prove a point (“who is right?”) we get to a vulnerable and meaningful conversation, where both partners’ needs, desires, and dreams can be heard and further integrated into the relationship.
When we apply this method, we are working on:
managing conflicts in a productive, healthy manner (instead of heated fights or conflict avoidance)
becoming aware of the most important building blocks of our relationship and developing new habits to nourish them
learning skills about how to manage external stress (i.e. work related stress) in the relationship
healing past events, that may still cause tension time to time
healing betray or relationship trauma
creating space for vulnerable and honest conversations, so that we can get to know each other on a much deeper level
creating a positive perspective on the relationship (and on each other) that allows us to make dreams come true together
Let’s talk about sex, baby
Although the above mentioned Gottman Method works as magic, it has its limitations. When it comes to sexuality, we need other kind of interventions as well, that are giving some new perspectives / ideas about how to keep (or relight) the fire in our relationship.
For this kind of work we always need to establish safety first so that later we feel comfortable talking about sex, and taboos. Once safety is present, we start to break the ice about sex. Honesty and freedom in sharing our desires and needs are the essence of transforming our sex life. Based on things being shared I give some strategies, homework and some things to read for couples. I work a lot with tangible practices as well, that are sometimes in a form of (non-sexual) movement or touch.
Interventions that I use in the topic of intimacy are inspired by Esther Perrel, David Deida, and tantric practices (i.e. polarity work). Although some of these are spiritualized, my aim is to stay grounded and down to earth on my sessions.
How many sessions do we need?
Couples are all different, so they also have unique speed and development throughout the sessions. In the beginning couples therapy requires more commitment from both of the partners, so that we can see each other more often, and tackle with the most important issues as soon as possible. After few sessions couples usually already feel the positive benefits and at one point we start to fade out the process, so you have more time to practice at home.
Ready to start? Schedule an intake!
“We came to Marianna at a time when our communication was not working. We seemed to have different opinions on everything, and as a result were getting entrenched into our own standpoints, no longer being on the same side.
Marianna helped us break down the issues we were having using simple techniques designed to understand the other's actions. Each session we would take one real life topic or situation and really break down how each of us were experiencing it. This turned feelings of frustration and resentment into understanding. I found her approach to be very practical, not just asking questions, but helping us apply concepts in a way that worked for each particular situation. We also learned skills to support each other emotionally and deal with frustration, so that we can now keep going on our own.
It's incredible to see how such small changes in the way we communicate can have such a big effect on the way it's received. We are very happy that we took this step!” -Fred and Alina